May2009

The Faucet - Breaking News Blog of The National Protrusion.com

Obama Tells Graduates to Lower Expectations

by theprotrusion on May 28, 2009

President Obama delivered the commencement address at San Diego State University today, and told graduates to “tamp down those lofty expectations,” in order to not be greatly disappointed later in life. Many members of the audience seemed confused, offering only lukewarm applause when Mr. Obama was finished speaking.

“This is not a time to be a dreamer,” Mr. Obama said. “This is a time for pragmatism, realism. Could you be a doctor, a lawyer, a famous person who changes the world? Perhaps. In some great accident of chance, perhaps. But in the real world, nine out of ten of you can’t do more than hold down a job in middle management. Admitting that to yourselves now will save you and your family a whole lot of heartbreak down the road.”

Some graduates said they were disappointed, even upset by the president’s remarks.

“I was really excited when I heard he was going to be speaking,” said Angela Loftino, 21. “But then he was just the most depressing person I’ve ever heard speak anywhere. Ever. It was worse than a funeral. At least with a funeral, you don’t have all this hope going in that it’s going to be uplifting.”

Daniel Orbason felt much the same way. “After he finished, all I wanted to do was run back and see if I could still fail a class, so I wouldn’t have to graduate.”

Mr. Obama, whose life story millions of people have found inspiring, said his own story was just that – his own. [click to continue…]

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Washington – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has not been seen or heard from since leaving for a meeting with CIA Director Leon Panetta at the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, Virginia this afternoon. An aide to Speaker Pelosi said she left for the meeting at approximately 2:00 PM, and that she was scheduled to return to the office this evening.

The situation is all the more worrying because of the recent war of words between Ms. Pelosi and the CIA. Pelosi said last week that she was told in a CIA briefing in 2003 that the practice of waterboarding was legal, but that it was not being used on detainees in U.S. custody. The CIA has disputed that account.

Reached at his Langley office, Mr. Panetta said, “Who? Nancy Puh-who? Pelosi? No. God, no. Never heard of her. Actually, this isn’t even Leon Panetta. This is someone else. This is Dan…Notpanetta. Okay? Thanks. Gotta go.”

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Senator Shitonface Urges Passage of Name-Change Legislation

May 10, 2009

Senator Walter Shitonface (D-WI) urged his senate colleagues to swiftly pass a bill to ease the process of officially and legally changing one’s name in the United States.

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